Sibling rivalry is commonplace, yet something that only a few people understand. From getting better grades, to scoring higher paying jobs, some siblings spend a lifetime trying to outdo each other. When this rivalry is healthy, it yields amazing results, helping all the siblings grow and become capable individuals. But when this rivalry turns bitter and unhealthy, it can ruin lives, and breaks apart families.
Taking a look at where sibling rivalry stems from
1.Many researchers believe that the rivalry between siblings is often a direct result of the manner in which their parents hand out praise and approval. A child will always look up to his or her parents for approval once they have done something. Depending on whether the activity was positive or not, most parents like to praise their children or admonish them. Rivalry stems when either of the sibling feels that their efforts are not being acknowledged by the parental figures.
2. The Position of the child within the family, such as an older sibling may be assigned more responsibilities towards younger siblings, especially when both are working to earn.
3. A younger sibling may have to spend life matching with the standards laid by an older sibling as parental expectations are already increased.
4. The gender of the children for instance, sons, are given more freedom compared to daughters. Daughters may not be allowed to do any adventure that their brothers are enjoying. At the same time, a son may not like his parents being more gentle with his sister.
5. Age is another factor that creates sibling rivalry. For example, two siblings might be playing games when they were toddlers, but things change dramatically when they grow up into their teens.
Seven ways to harness best of sibling rivalry
Any parent can tell you that they try to ensure that when it comes to their children, they never play favorites. However, some children make more of an effort than the others and hence end up receiving more appreciation than their siblings.
Parents need to ensure that they try and maintain a healthy balance. Even more important is to ensure that a constant dialogue exists between the parents and the children. When either of them can talk to each other about anything, a number of problems, including sibling rivalry, can be nipped in the bud.
1 Healthy Sibling rivalry
If harnessed correctly, sibling rivalry can become the very tool that you need to ensure that your children do well. A healthy rivalry ensures that children pay attention to their performances in school, as well as indulge in extra co-curricular activities.
2. Respect each other?s efforts
The biggest advantage of such rivalries is that once each sibling knows how much of an effort it takes to succeed, they respect each other more.
A healthy relation is based on respect, and once your children acknowledge the acumen of each other, they will forge even deeper ties, and become closer. Take advantage of such a dynamics between your children, and secure a happier future for them.
3. Avoid making any comparisons as each child is unique. The best thing is to set different goals and expectations for each based on their abilities and likings.
4 Dont suppress your child?s angry feelings towards another child, instead give them a positive direction to help them handle their feelings.
5. Do not promote a guilt feeling in your children as it has negative cascading effects on the child?s personality and hence reflects in sibling rivalry.
6. Sometimes let the siblings settle their differences, but judge the situation from the far end to avoid any unwanted situation.
7. Efforts towards long term relationship
At the same time, keep in mind that your goal is to ensure their long-term happiness, so be upfront about your expectations, rather than trying any subterfuge.
